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home ...kill the moon, turn out the sun...lock your door and load your gun...i'm home. this week has been so long...and it's still not over yet. monday seems like forever ago, even though it was so incredible. i was incredibly impressed by howie day. i had heard a few of his songs before we went, but wasn't expecting him to be as spectacular as he was. then when tori came out, i think i was in complete shock for the first 2 songs. that woman is completely astounding... ...erase the weather, draw the sun...i think that my dad was trying to hint to me that i shouldn't be going out alone anymore...he photocopied the cover article of the province from i think monday and left it on the kitchen table for me. new information was released today....maybe he'll bring that with him when he gets home... seriously. they should stop finding dead bodies within 10 minutes of my house...this is not cool. but for some reason it doesn't make me paranoid...not that i think i am invincible or anything, i suppose i just don't care. ...i feel helpless as my everything comes crashing down on me...most of this week has been spent with me being confused and obsessive and depressed about rob. (oh and i think there were a few blocks of time in there that i was happy about it as well...) yay what fun. hilaire is going to punch him in the face apparently. i am not sure how much he deserves it, but then again, i'm not sure how much he doesn't either. since he wasn't at school this week, i knew i would only see him tuesday night, and last night. tusday night was okay. he walked me to haney place, and then waited with me for half an hour for my bus. probably the fastest 30 minutes i have ever spent waiting for a bus... then wednesday night, it didn't quite work out as well. he wasn't really mean or anything, but we just didn't really talk. and then he spent most of the first half of the show outside talking to amanda, after telling me he wasn't really in the mood to talk...and okay, i know that we're not technially dating or anthing, and i probably don't have any right to be jealous, but i am anyway. and then he talked to me during intermission, and made some comment about how megan is a good conductor because he likes to stare at her ass. and that was it, and then i went and dragged hilaire out into the hall with me so that i could vent. and then i cried, and she said she was going to punch him in the face. then during our actual concert, meg and hil made a sign telling me to smile. yes, while i was singing. and amazingly, i managed not to laugh at all about it. i was, however, almost ready to kill them for it. katie got some amusement out of it though... then before i left, he came and found me, and was all cute and sweet, and then kissed me before i left...and it's really really hard to be upset at him. hil has decided that she is going to be mad enough for the both of us, but that i have to actually talk to him. (and yeah, i know that i told catherine that i was going to, but on tuesday night, we were otherwise occupied, and then i didn't get the chance to on wednesday.) ...i could lie to myself and pretend the day is getting clearer...it really feels as though today should be friday. and i really really wish that it was...i am actually considering blowing off all of my classes tomorrow and just staying home.... i got new pants though. they're black, and i adopted them from the costume cupboard in the theatre. (and yes, i did ask before i did that.) meg and i earned 2 float blocks for cleaning the costume cupboard, and the back of the theatre, seeing as people in our school are slobs. ...there's always a reason to feel not good enough...i suppose i really should be taking notes on the theme of the lord of the flies, as much as i hated that book, i still have to get my presentation done for it. i also have to get a whole hell of a lot of other stuff done...mrs mcblane, who isn't my english marker anymore, actually came and asked me today how i was doing in school. it's weird when teachers ask how you are doing and actually expect to get some sort of detailed answer from you. actually, i find it weird when anyone asks that and actually expects some sort of actual answer from me....maybe it's just that i don't talk to people about myself very often... (hence the reason you all get to read about it.)
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