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logic is our enemy ...it's just another sunny day...in the afternoon...wow. i feel the need to update, and i have no idea what to write. just that i should write. umm....uh....wow this is entertaining. ...it's confusing me...stop confusing me...i was in a really horrible mood on friday night, and had that whole i'm-a-pathetic-loser train of thought going on. and then it got me to thinking of how i am really sick of playing mind games with rob. which sucks, because i know that i am most likely not going to put a stop to it, because i like the attention that i do get from him. i just want more than that as well. either that, or i just enjoy being miserable. ...does it ever end beyond you? through the motions you're faking...i actually went out today though. because it was gillian's birthday. i thought that i was going to be all loser-ish and not really know the people that were there....but then hil was going, so we met up on the way there, and then it was all good. the way things tend to be when i actually go out and pretend to be social. i don't quite know where i get the idea that i shouldn't do that. it's just one of those things that pops into my head, and then i figure i should listen to the little voices that are commanding me. ...maybe i should drop you at your door...or leave to night and vanish up the shore...anywhere but here...hil said the most disturbingly hilarious thing about my pants today. they have this weird little tab thing attached to the snap at the top of the fly (why they have a snap instead of a button, i don't know. ) but it bothers me to no end, and that's one of the reasons i don't wear the pants. anyhow, i was wondering what the point of it was, so hil blurts out, "it's so that you can undo them with your teeth!" and now, i will have to think of that every time i wear them. ...i was never cool...so you can call me loser...i had a great conversation with anthony tonight...which is really cool, because he is cool, and doesn't like people, and seems to like me. plus, he wants to be a rock star. which is the best dream ever. i wish i was cool enough to be a rock star. there are probably about a hundred million other reasons why anthony is infinetely cool, and why it was a good conversation, but it's 2:15, and i really can't think anymore. so i am going to go to bed, and then go shopping tomorrow. and buy new pants, because i clearly need them. 'smile' |