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living is weird ...does every moment move past you?...or does it feel like forever, and shouldn't you be laughing too?...i finished the book...it was amazing...one of those times when you get to the end of the book, you just stare at the last page, and hope that if you think about it long enough, the book will grow longer....but not because there are too many questions left unanswered, just because it's that well written ...right now...you are a piece of it all...today was a sick day...i stayed in bed until 11:30...then stumbled across to the shower, and arrived at my computer around noonish...all in all, a wondrous day....except for the dizzy feeling that never went away, the odd head congestion that causes each breath to echo around in my head, and the bouncing back and forth between being really hot and really cold....there was one shining moment of incredible excitement, when i switched to muchmusic momentarily, listened to the end of the only song i like by a simple plan, and then realized that tegan and sara were on bradtv...so natually, i jumped up and down and squealed, and then settled in to watch it...and then checked the muchmusic website, to see when it was re-airing so i could tape it... ...and things just keep getting weirder and weirder...i have to shop for christmas...i hate christmas...well...not so much the holiday, as the time leading up to it...holiday shopping with 12 thousand other tired and irritated shoppers...the stress of finding the perfect gift for someone...sad, how a holiday that is supposed to be about family, and sharing etc. has become all about shopping, and recieving...(also slightly about giving, but that's generally more of an afterthought, and done out of obligation) at times i wish i didn't celebrate christmas... i didn't really realize how quickly november had disappeared...i went over to my calendar today and counted, and there are 35 sleeps until tori...which is on the 9th of december...only about a week before i should be completely ready for christmas....*sigh* i hate shopping...perhaps if i sit here and wish hard enough, the perfect gifts will appear out of nowhere... ...just past has let me be...returning as if dream...shattered as belief...it's insane the things we worry about...the things that are held up and being important. and yet, we can't stop ourselves...is it because there's nothing else to focus on? because the rest is too difficult to think about? i don't know what it is...and i'm not sure i ever will...but it seems so strange, that in the small amout of time we are alive...we worry about what other people think about the colour of our hair, or our clothes, or what someone else will think of our thoughts...our worth to other people is decided upon by what we own, and how we look...something about this can't be right....
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