100
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11.26.2002 @ 11:11 pm

...what day is it? am i still young?...my empty head where good fell out...
well well...i have finally reached 100 entries. fun stuff. so basically that means there are 99 more pages of me talking about myself. you would think that i enjoy it or something...which if you have ever tried to carry on a conversation about me in an attempt to get to know me, you would know that i don't talk about myself. perhaps that's why i have so much to say here.
...we're so breezy when we have no hate to guide us...we just struggle to complain...
i am having a good week. i have no idea why, but i think i like it. snow would make it better though. snow makes everything better. mmmmm winter....
...i bought all the out 'til dawns...but you were a hit and run...my radar was blind...
apparently there's a party this weekend. and i'm going. wow i am social. then again, i think i also might have inadvertantly agreed to work on an english project on friday as well. hopefully this will work out with the minimal amount of difficulty, seeing as my group hates drew, who is the one throwing the party. i on the other hand, like everyone, and would like to be able to do everything. i also find it mildly funny that my group (dal, jason and jen) hate drew. only because they are all new (yeah, look at that. i am all friendly and hanging out with the new kids. i swear i have been possessed by some sort of personality-demon or something. i used to actually be rather anti-social.) drew just finds it amusing that they are all still nice to him even though he's a jerk. *shrug* i am trying not to choose sides.
...i'm alright...suddenly you've got you've got me all wrapped up and it feels so wonderful...
i realized tonight, that i am not paranoid enough. i was actually thinking about this rationally, as i walked to the library by myself in the dark through mainly residential areas with lots of trees. i generally comment on the fact that there seems to be an growing number of murders and disappearances in the lower mainland. yet i find it completely comforting to walk in the dark. especially on nights like this, when it's clear and cold, and the stars are out. shannon is usually the one to say that she doesn't like walking around by herself at night, for fear of being snatched and never seen again. i, for some reason, don't possess this fear, and that worries me just a little. although it also comes in handy, especially on days that i have to return books to the library and my dad isn't here to chauffeur me around. for the record, i was returning the lovely bones which is about a girl that gets murdered. i worry about myself at times...
...it's just sometimes i cross all my wires...so just throw all my things in the fire...
hrmmm....i am now picking up where i left off after talking on the phone with meaghan for over an hour. i think i forgot to eat tonight. and now i just don't have the effort it takes to make food. and i missed saying good night to chad by about 10 minutes. that's never fun. sorry about that.
...i want you to want me...
anyhow, i suppose i should be off to actually learn more about the lord of the flies, and actually seem productive when i get to school tomorrow. because it's a widely known fact that i'm not at all productive while i am at school. some days, i think it would actually be better if i could focus on work without being distracted. not that the distraction doesn't usually turn out to be fun/enjoyable in some way...
'selfless'
skin feat. todd kerns


oh my god what have you done my love
just you wait 'til your father gets home
you're to be seen not to be heard my love
don't make a sound, don't say a word

i close my eyes and dream
pray for something more
forgot who i'm supposed to be
i don't wanna be me anymore

tear out the page and start anew my love
i'll tear the wings right off of you
we've seen the start how does it end my love
no friends, no family, no girlfriend

i close my eyes and dream
pray for something more
forgot who i'm supposed to be
i don't wanna be me anymore

to late to start again
too late to change the end
too late to start again
too late to start again once more

i lay and wait for sleep
to take me far away
where i breathe in peace
and know everything to say

i close my eyes and dream
pray for something more
forgot who i'm supposed to be
i don't wanna be me anymore
don't wanna be me anymore

i don't wanna be me
i don't wanna see me
i don't even like me
don't wanna be me anymore
i wanna leave me
i don't wanna touch me
i'll be all with me
i don't wanna be me anymore

i don't wanna be me
i don't wanna see me
i don't even like me
don't wanna be me anymore
i wanna leave me
i don't wanna touch me
i'll be all with me
i don't wanna be me anymore

i don't wanna be me
i don't wanna see me
i don't even like me
don't wanna be me anymore
i wanna leave me
i don't wanna touch me
i'll be all with me
i don't wanna be me anymore

everyone loves me
everyone wants me
i fucking hate me
don't wanna be me anymore
i don't believe me
i wanna hurt me
okay. i know some of the lyrics i have come up with for this song are wrong. so feel free to correct me, those of you who know the actual words.


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