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all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here anyway, on a happier note, i worked today. i am writing a paper, and although i think it kind of sucks, i also think that it's decent enough to hand in. (in other words, i'll probably get a B on it if it continues to go the way it's going. although, i could be completely off, and the paper sucks more than i think it does and i'll have to rewrite it or something.) but...this was supposed to be positive. i worked. and i tried to help conroy with science, but my science 9 skills of remmebering how to convert weight on other planets aren't what they used to be. it's late...i think. i can't remember anymore what i consider to be late. usually, it's when i'm tired. tonight though, i'm not tired...but...ryan's going to bed, so...it must be kinda late-ish..or something. i don't know. i'm all thoughtful, and having one of those moments where my brain is completely awake and functioning (y'know...to make up for earlier, when it didn't work at all) and i wish i was....wordier...so that this all sounded a whole lot more [insert thinking of the right word HERE] composed? i think that's what i'm going for. once i relax a bit more, i'll read for a bit, and then probably head off to get some sleep, so that i can wake up in hte morning and wonder why i only allwed myself 4 hours between the time i went to bed and the time my alarm goes off. and i just wandered by my counter, and had to resist the urge to make coffee.... i've been reading a lot lately. i finally finished the divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood...it was good. i don't know...a little different from what i usually read...i was about to say that i wasn't into the whole letter thing....but then i remembererd that i absolutely loved the perks of being a wallflower....i don't know. it was a wonderful book, but there was something that just didn't fit for me. now i'm onto lucky, which is alice sebold's book about her rape experience and a young adult novel that looked interesting called aimee....but i'm not really getting into it, and i'm not sure i'll finish it...and the bible. which, despite my original reservations, i'm enjoying immensely. it's a bit weird getting used to reading things out of order...but it seems to be working out okay. i suppose it's kind of like the way i usually read more than one book at a time. i've been a little...off....this week. okay...maybe more than a little. i suppose people who are only a little off don't have to ask anyone to make a half hour drive so that they have someone to hold them while they cry... so, i haven't really been okay. not for awhile...i'm functional though. for the most part. i get through days, i guess with hope that tomorrow it will be gone. the crushing weight that just sits there, and makes it that much harder to breathe... i guess i've just always needed someone to come right out and say 'hey...this isn't going to disappear on its own' to even make me consider that it was that much of a problem... and i figured something else out. i think anyway...this is just my take on things. people need realtionships. there's this human craving for intimacy. it's what gets people through....it's what makes you exist. it's love. it's closeness. it's... and the thought is gone. i had something that i was going to say, but...all that i'm getting in my mind is the difference between the 3 different greek words for love.... |