if you've got it to give, you've got to give it all.
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06.21.2003 @ 5:09 pm
i've been trying to update this. really i have. it's just that whenever i get the chance, something comes up. like the diaryland error page, telling me that the servers are busy....or it's really fricken late, and i'm falling asleep, so i don't have anything to say. and then i realized that, it didn't really bother me that i couldn't update...i still stopped in to read the diaries on my buddy list, and now, almost 20 days later, i still don't care. meaning, this diary really doesn't serve the same purpose that it used to. if this site was shut down in the next five minutes, i don't think it would really bother me. i'm kind of sad that this diary doesn't hold the same interest for me anymore. i've blamed it on numerous different things. it's because i don't have time to update. it's because i don't have anything to say. it's because too many people i know do or could potentially be reading. it's probably all of those, to varying degrees. but...there's always the excuse. maybe i just need a change, a chance to start over. i'm taking a few of you with me, and you'll get some sort of message about it. if you don't, don't be too offended. and if you are, get over it. it's not the end of the world. (although, i'm more than sure that none of you care all that much.)
this past year has been one of major changes, and a massive amount of growth (not the physical kind) and learning. this diary isn't really about what i want it to be anymore. it's sometimes an account of my day, and other times, a big vague spiel about nothing really...but that generally has some sort of huge underlying meaning. and i'm sick of metaphors and abiguaties...i'm going somewhere to be consistently concise or abiguous. or maybe, i'll go in two different directions and be both, less often. i still haven't decided. some of you will hear from me soon.
Sometimes words tangle up your heart. They can mean so much, and on the other hand, mean so very little. You must take good care with a word. It is so big, and it goes out so far, that it would burst your heart if you really knew. A word can kill a soul. Steal a breath. Beat one down into nothingness. A word can lift. A word can liberate. A word can console. A word can heal and forgive and triumph over hatred. Words are the biggest things we have. They are all we have. It is the word that makes us human.
--Jann Arden